Ultimate Weapon Blues
by Taliko
Summary: If you hated some of the side quests, this is for you. If not, this is still for you!


Hello! This is my first Fanfic, which I wrote because I hate catching those damn butterflies! Almost every other side quest sucks too, for that matter. SO that's what this is about! I'll probably write a few more chapters depending on how annoyed I get at dodging lightning bolts and avoiding psycho kamikaze birds while catching balloons. Anyway, yeah I won't rant on about that. Have fun with this, because I did!  
  
PS – I don't own Final Fantasy. Well, I own a bunch of the games, but I don't own the rights or anything! Don't sue me, k?  
  
  
  
1 Ultimate Weapon Blues  
  
1.1 By  
  
Taliko  
  
  
  
Chapter 1: Damn those Butterflies!!  
  
"What do you mean, I have to catch the butterflies?" Whined an annoyed Tidus. Auron chuckled softly. "Catch the butterflies. It shouldn't be that hard, even for you."  
  
"Wait..." Said Tidus, scratching his head. "So, you want me to run around like a mad idiot, catching these damn blue coloured butterflies, while tripping over monsters, looking for KHIMARI's sigil? And there's a stupid time limit! I don't think so." Lulu sighed and rubbed her temple. "You're the quickest one of us. Nobody else can do it," She replied calmly. "You have to go."  
  
"Aww man, Come on. Wakka can do it, he's so 'good with flying things'" Grumbled Tidus, scuffing the ground with his left foot. Wakka inched over to Tidus and whispered from the corner of his mouth. "Hey man, keep me out of this, ya? I don't wanna have to do it!" Tidus shot him a glare, "Well I don't want to have to do it either. Why can't Khimari do it? It's HIS sigil." He pouted, and Khimari turned to look at him.  
  
"Woah. Um… Yeah…………. Ok, so not Khimari. I don't think butterflies are his thing." If such a thing could possibly happen, Khimari looked smug. Tidus lanced a glare at him, too. After he turned his back.  
  
Meanwhile, Yuna and Rikku were having a contest over whose ass was nicer, Auron's or Tidus'. "No way Yunie. Auron's is MUCH nicer. Look at it him wiggle it when he fights!"  
  
"Ewww!" replied a disgusted Yuna in a loud whisper. "I REFUSE to believe that Auron WIGGLES! And he's too OLD!! Tidus' is so much better. It's so toned from blitzing!" Rikku pondered this while nonchalantly taking a look. "Well…." She whispered back stroking her chin thoughtfully. "I WILL give you that I suppose…. But I still think Auron's is better."  
  
Yuna rolled her eyes.  
  
"Hey, I have an idea!" Quipped Tidus cheerfully. "Rikku can do it! She's almost as quick as me! RIGHT RIKKU?" Shouted Tidus. "What? Huh?" Replied Rikku, her head snapping up with a guilty, "hand in the cookie jar" expression. She had been staring at asses again. Yuna put her hand to her mouth and giggled.  
  
"Just say yes," Replied Tidus with a winning smile. Yuna swooned, but Rikku looked sceptical. "GUYSSSS…. What is he trying to rope me into doing?" Tidus looked disgruntled that his winning smile had no effect. He tried another tactic. "We want you to ….Uh, look for forbidden machina." "Reallllyyy?" exclaimed an excited Rikku, jumping up and down. "Uh, yeah…." replied Tidus. "Um, all have to do is catchthebutterfliesunderacretaintimelimit (deep breath). …andavoidallthemonsters!"  
  
Apparently Tidus had forgotten that he had been speaking to the master of fast speakers.  
  
"You want me to catch the butterflies?" pouted Rikku. "Is that all? I was there when you talked to the butterfly lady, remember? It's not for machina… And the monsters here shoot lightning!!" She shuddered pathetically for extra effect. "Actually… the monsters here are mostly iced based." Said Lulu, as she and the others intruded on the conversation. Rikku pouted at Lulu. "Hey, I thought girls were supposed to stick together! And what about those Chimera, they shoot lightning. And fire. And ice. And water. They're nasty! I just know I'll run into them if I go chasing after your butterflies!"  
  
"Hrmph," Hrmphed Auron. "Well she's right for once. And she's too weak to fight them by herself. She's barely even started the sphere grid." Rikku was torn between looking annoyed and grateful. Instead of choosing, she decided to stare at Auron's ass as he turned away.  
  
"Looks like you're still stuck doing it, ya? Too bad…" Grinned Wakka. "Hey! Why can't Wakka do it?" asked Rikku. Yuna poked Wakka in the stomach. It jiggled. "I think… it's because of this stomach of his. You'd think that… he'd LOOSE weight on a pilgrimage!" Everyone laughed but Wakka. Even Khimari looked amused. "Hey, that's not funny, ya? Lu cooks really good!" Lulu blushed.  
  
Rikku inched over to Yuna and poked her gently with an elbow. "Hey, did ya see that Yunie? I think Lulu likes Wakka!" Yuna grinned and nodded.  
  
"Tidus, stop stalling and go catch the butterflies," Snapped Lulu, annoyed that she'd been caught off guard.  
  
"Aww man…" Seeing no way to get out of it, Tidus stretched a little and prepared to take off. "Hey," Said Yuna to him quietly, grabbing his arm and pulling him off to the side. She glared at everyone else, and they took the hint and inched away.  
  
"Good luck." She smiled up at him. Tidus grinned. "I'll have good luck if you kiss me…" It didn't take any more urging than that.  
  
15 minutes later, after they were, er, done, as Yuna straightened her dress Tidus whispered in her ear. "Well, I'm beginning to think you only want me for my behind…" Yuna blushed brightly and poked him. "Tidus!" He just chuckled, and took off to get the butterflies. "Oh Tidus!" Yuna yelled to him just as he had started down the path. "Here, take this!" She threw something round and purple at him and he caught it easily, opening his hands to find a luck +4 sphere. "Thanks Yuna!" He yelled back, using the sphere. "But I didn't really need it! I just got lucky!"  
  
"TIIIIDDDDUUUUSSSS!!"  
  
Lulu blinked. "So is she practising or something?"  
  
Auron shrugged. "I can't think of any other reason she'd summon an Aeon."  
  
  
  
Well, that's it for the first instalment. Hope that you liked it! Stay tuned for the next chapter of Ultimate Weapon Blues – "What do you mean, I have to dodge the lightning??" 


End file.
